Sin Log #10

Sloth: So today I went to work. My boss shows up late, and when she arrives she asks every one what kind of donut they like. Then leaves for about 20 minutes then comes back. So what is their to complain about? We all got a treat. That seemed to be the mind set of every one else. I was thinking different. My boss is notorious for not doing anything. She comes to work, tells us what to do and then does nothing. She looks at the clothes, and occasionally folds things and that's it. Also, we have a lack of cleaning supplies. We've been needing floor cleaner for a few months now, protective cleaning gloves for a few weeks, and bathroom seat covers for a few days (not that the last one is all that important). I've reported the first two a few times. After all I'm the one that does a lot of the cleaning because I'm the one that complains the least. Yet no one else sees the problem with her leaving to spend money on donuts. I would rather have gloves to clean our public bathrooms with then have a donut. Thank you.
Lust: I saw Eagle Eye today with my father and step mom. I would rather I had went to see it with a guy I liked. Rather then sit next to my father while he kept whispering all the stuff he knew about each actor to my step mom. The happy part though is I got to see a movie for free and I got to see Shia Labeouf in all his glorious cuteness. gah.... I can't decide who I like more, him or Robert Pattinson, the guy playing Edward in the upcoming movie Twilight. Although I'd say if I'd pick Pattinson it's only because I'm a sick twit, like all the other Twilight Fan girls. I'm not afraid to admit it. I am a twit. That reminds me, I have yet picked up a movie poster for my room. What is wrong with me? What kind of lame fan girl am I?

Awesome. Why do guys do this? A rant on sex and being single.

Yah sure. It is totally fine to ignore me after we had spent the night together and then agreed to be friends. It's cool that you don't respond when sent you a message asking you simple questions about that concert your gonna be in. I mean you already got what you wanted from me, I made it easy enough. It doesn't matter that i feel like I was taken advantage of. That you only started talking to me for sex. You were never interested in my friendship. You just knew that I was lonely. I've should of known better that when you said lets be friends, hang out, do things some time that night that it really meant that you would just ignore me after a day or so. It's cool. I mean obviously I shouldn't of expected anything more then to be kicked to side afterwards. I'm not a person after all.


I just want to know one thing. Why me? You have a bunch of girls you know that would love to sleep with you. I've seen them at your concerts. The night of your last concert I was wondering "why I was flirting with you the week before. I saw all those other girls and the way they looked at you. You flirt with all of them. I don't have a chance. They were beautiful. I was plain." But i still continued to hit on you. You called me. You invited me over. We agreed ahead of time this wasn't permanent. After we agreed to be friends. You told me it was good. You joked and said "BFF's". I left. I haven't heard from you.


So I'm not dealing with this as well as I should be. At least I'm not constantly calling him. His inbox isn't stuffed with items from me. I don't write love poems about him. I don't sing at his doorstep. I'm trying not to seem clingy. It's not like he ended my virginity or anything.
I just like his company as a friend. I thought he was fun. He told me things that made me care about him.
He asked me if I wanted to go out with him like a boyfriend and I told him that I didn't know him well enough for that. I kind of did want to date him but I assumed that was what guys don't like to hear. I had learned from other guys that they don't like it when girls want to rush into things like relationships. I'm totally cool with that. I'm trying to pace myself.

I didn't want to be one of those girls that withheld from sex with a guy to get what she wanted. That feels artificial to me. Especially when I know I want the sex.
Unfortunately this has happened twice to me now. This one guy, I thought was very nice, after sex twice he started ignoring me. He smile and wave awkwardly but wouldn't talk to me like he used to. I wondered what I did wrong. Did I creep him out? Did I act weird? Why couldn't we be friends any more? Is there no such thing as friendship after sex?

I have heard somewhere that their is an old cave man instinct. The cave mans instinct was to mate with as many women as possible. The Cave Woman wanted to look for one Cave Man to take care of her. Is that what guys do? Not to be sexist or anything, but is that what it is?

I haven't had a good relationship yet in my life. The longest relationship I had was three months. I lost my virginity to a guy who didn't give a shit about me. The only guy that wanted something long term freaked me out. Every one tells me I'm just too young. If that was true why don't most of my friends have any problems? A lot of them have been in relationships for a few years and they aren't much older or younger than I.

I have friends very content with themselves being single. How can they be so happy and I so miserable? Why can't I be content?